why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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