What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
