I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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