I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
