I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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