sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
