Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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