I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
