I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
