so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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