No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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