So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
