hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
