If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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