Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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