drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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