party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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