its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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