Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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