at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
