he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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