idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
