Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
