it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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