please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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