Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize