Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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