Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize