im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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