I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
