My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
