What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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