I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
