so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
