Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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