i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
