i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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