I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
