What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
