Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize