I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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