Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
