i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
