So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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