I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
