guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are the jesus of drinking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
