and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
