I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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