I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
