mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
