Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize