yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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