How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
