I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
