i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
