I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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