we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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