sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
