Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
