So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
