Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize