You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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