you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
