sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
