did you get engaged???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
