Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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