We won't sleep together?
high people should be assigned attendants
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
