I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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