I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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