My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
