Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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