He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
